Is it wrong that I am 29 weeks and ready to have this baby? I mean I am READY! I am excited, and yes I am tired of being pregnant. I mean seriously its like I have been pregnant two years. We have no where to put her right now. We are completely unprepared and honestly, I am ok with that (to a point). I am really that ready to have this baby! I feel like I have already dropped, which some of you might roll your eyes, but I feel sooo much pressure in my hips and other areas. It literally feels like she is resting in my pelvic area and sometimes kicking my hips. I guess she could be carrying low. Which, if that is the case, I really don't want to know what its going to feel like when she does drop.
So here are some things that have been going through my head. I have been called a "control freak" lately. I do feel out of control lately, which could be the cause of wanting to maybe control everything, but honestly, what young, new mom is NOT a control freak? I am part of a mama's group and know other mom's and when I see other people parent the way they parent I think, "Wow, what a control freak." So, seriously what mom is not a control freak? Further more, what pregnant mom is not a control freak? Do I feel like I have a right to it? No. But a mom works so hard to put her child on a schedule, to breastfeed (or bottle feed), to introduce new foods, etc. So, is it really so bad to want your child to be raised the way you want her to? Whether you are a working mom or stay at home mom, no one knows your little baby as much as that you. So if someone were to come in and change things or not listen to you when you say something is best for your kid, wouldn't you as mom not be a little irritated? To me, when I baby sat for so many years and worked at a camp/daycare, through some tough lessons, I learned that following instructions are very important when it comes to a mom and her child. Why? Because even though "You have been doing this a while." or "You've done this before.", doesn't mean you're a pro! Why? Because you haven't done it a while or before with THAT kid. Each mom does something different because we find what is best for US. It might seem wrong to other, but its right to us. (Now I don't mean certain things). So why feel insulted or irritated because a mom wants you to follow her instructions as closely as possible? See what I said there? "As closely as possible", meaning it might not be exact and if you have many kids, to try and fit in these things as much as possible and closely as possible with the other kid's schedule. Not to mention, I feel now being a mother myself, that when a Mom gives instructions, its not to be a bitch, but because it is what is BEST for HER child. I mean even the most laid back of moms is going to have some kind of instructions for their kid! Not to mention, if you don't follow them, YOU aren't the one that deals with it later. Yea must be nice....
On to bigger things....I semi-organized Lucy's closet this weekend and we are going to work on Lainey's room this weekend. It might not be finished, but I want it CLEANED out so I can put her stuff in there. For example, I would really like it if I can put her clothes away so that if I pop her out at some point, I am not sifting through bags! This situation is stressful enough and I would like to alleviate it as much as possible. I feel like this is one way. Not to mention, I would like to get the cradle out and have it prepared. I mean I am 29 weeks. The "final countdown" of when she gets here started at 28 weeks! I was so much more prepared with Lucy and wishing I pushed more to be a little more prepared this time. That way this time wasn't stressful. It could be smooth sailing and I didn't have to organize stuff when I am in so much pain! I mean cause now with the stress, hormones, and pain all mixed together makes for a crabby pregnant lady. I am very crabby and irritated because I want/need things done and want some things done my way. (CONTROL FREAK :) )
I think that is another reason why I am ready to have this baby, is because I am tired of being called "crazy", "hormonal", or "irrational". When I am called those things, people have no clue how much I want to hit them. I mean how rude! Pregnancy is hard enough and you want to add onto it? In my mind they're lucky I don't own a baseball bat and carry it with me. There are times in my last pregnancy that I look back and think, "Wow! I was bat-shit!" I do not feel like I have had one of those moments this time. Do I feel misunderstood? Definately and because most of the time I am talking to a man, I realize that there is no point in trying to make him understand. :) Sorry babe. Why? Because for some reason the more I try to explain it, the "crazier" and more irrational I sound to him (because he doesn't understand). I would kill for a time where a MAN (ANYONES husband or boyfriend) to know what its like to carry a child.
I will say that Sammie handles stress and pressure so well. I know we are both feeling the pressure of Lainey coming and he can still make me laugh even though it seems like more than ever we are in a massive stress phase. It can be really hard to think about something that is going to happen in 9-10 weeks, when you have so much responsibility at the present moment. It can be overwhelming I am sure. I fed him chili last night. I feel that laughter can heal and make people feel better. He was laughing so hard last night he was crying and honestly, despite the smell, it was nice to see him that way. Its been one stressful week. He needed a little gaseous/comedic relief. Lol.
This has probably gone to long and I'd love a nap.
Yours truly,
The control freak. :)
