I have no idea what to title this. TITLE.

I am so grumpy these days. People are so irritating. If some people knew what I think sometimes, they would never hang out with me again. Now its not everybody just some people. I've been really anxious lately and I am looking forward to this next doctors check-up to ease my mind.





I know no one wants to read a bunch of complaining, but I am going to anyways.



I'm gonna start with the dogs. I wish I had less dogs. Maybe it because I am more of a cat person, but I cannot stand the dog fur and the dog noises. The barking, waking up my child, really makes me mad. Simba is the loudest butthead (I'm trying to keep this PG) out of all of them. The older he gets, the grumpier he gets, and that means the louder he gets. I will spank him and the son of a butt will growl or talk back to me. You have no idea how this makes me want to lose my temper and show him who is boss. Pixel is sweet. I love her she is my favorite...except for when it comes to the pixel fur. She has tuffs of fur coming off of her right now and even though I might brush her, my carpet still looks like it wearing a toupee a day after I vacuum! SO FRUSTRATING!!!! I feel like no matter how much I clean, its NEVER good enough! Butter....ugh...butter. The OCD freak that has a few too many wires loose for my taste. All she does is lick and lick and lick and lick and chew and lick and chew and lick....and then chews on baby clothes and ONLY baby clothes because she is a jealous OCD freak. Not to mention, she is by far the stupidest dog I have ever met on the face of the planet. She will bark at her own shadow. And forget about discipline because if you spank her, she will pee everywhere and cause a bigger mess. Clyde is ok. Too me he is a little high maintenance because he has allergies, and he is a big baby. He also snores like a human and I have HAD IT with the snoring!!! He snores just like Sammie and can start snoring as soon as his head hits the floor.

People are irritating and I can't tell you how many people I have hidden on Facebook just so I don't have to listen to them. Maybe people have done the same thing. I just don't care. I mostly can't stand the judgemental people who think they know everything.....which is judgemental. The only difference is, is that I do know everything....hahaha. JUST kidding. I think I just wish people could view life differently and less about themselves. Sometimes when I look at the things people are freaking out over I think, "There are just so many bigger things in life to worry about." I think that comes from living in India though.

Second thing, is not necessarily a complaint, but more of how I feel lately. I think people look down upon me. Maybe, they do. Sometimes I quote scripture and they probably think, "She cusses. She has an attitude." Or whatever else they might look down on. The thing is, is who can really say what a Christian is suppose to act like? We are all sinners. I just don't think humans can judge that. We are not suppose to be the judges in this life and frankly if I answer to anyone, it is Jesus Christ. So if you tell me that I don't act "Christ like" please go look in the mirror and say to yourself, "wow that statement wasn't "Christ like". I think a lot of people know how I feel about Christ. I feel like I have an amazing, loving relationship with him. I feel like after the "religious' things were removed and everything became more about our relationship, it opened my eyes. What I mean by "religious" things are the "shoulds" that people place in our heads of how we are all suppose to be like. Once those things were removed, I feel like I could hear HIS voice instead of everyone elses. Plus HIS voice is the only one that matters. I can truly say I love Him and his love has been made complete in me like 1 John says. I feel that once my eyes were opened I could see what this life is really about. It isn't about being perfect or acting a certain way, but it is about love and how we love others. When I read the New Testament, all I hear is that word: Love. Our ability to love is so important. Forgiveness, thoughtfullness, are all ways of showing others that no matter how stupid I think you are, I still love you. And I think a lot of people are stupid. Like not flipping someone off because they cut me off, but praising Jesus I didn't run into them and we are safe! (That is kind of a joke, and its just an example :) ) I am not perfect at this, and never will be. Perfection is an impossibility since humans are born into sin. I try my best though and I will say it is incredibly hard to do while pregnant.

Being pregnant is annoying to me right now because I have to pee all the time, and other various pregnancy symptoms(like heartburn). I know I will be grateful once he/she is here, but going through this is really hard for me right now. I am very lucky to have a husband who has been incredibly patient with me, but also keeping me in my place. Sammie is honest with me and he communicates, which makes me respect him.

I don't really have anything else to say...THE END.

Good Mood Food.

This pregnancy is soooo different..so far. The further I am into it the more I feel pregnant. I have started having some morning sickness. In fact, I had some this morning when lucy woke up at four (I don't know why). Anyways, despite the sickness, I have been having A LOT of cravings and just like last pregnancy I have to have it or I will be sick if I eat anything else. One of the things that I am absolutely head over heals for are Burger King's Chicken Sandwiches. Here is a song/poem of how I feel about those sandwiches:

Lettuce, Mayo, Chicken, & Bread,

Sounds like something my baby needs

to be fed.

You started with a thought,

I wanted a coke Icee,

But you are what I got.

Man, you sure do know how

to hit the spot.

I know you are unhealthy,

but get in my dang belly!

O NO! Sandwich you are all gone!

But its ok, cause getting another one,

won't take long!

Of course, after writing this I feel like a heffer. I mean I know if I told you that I got a king size package of Reese's Minis and a king size package of Red Vines (Got them because they are low in calories..unlike the Reeses) you would probably agree with me. Honestly, I don't see how being pregnant is an excuse to turn into a wild african animal that hasn't been fed in years, but its been really hard to control anything. That includes my emotions and my irritability. At one moment, I am ok. The next, I might crying or wanting beat something up or screaming. Nothing makes you feel crazier than being pregnant! Ta- Ta for now!

No answers

Today, I really didn't get any answers from the doctor. At first he said my pap looked fine and then Sammie and I decided to do the Ultrasound. In the beginning, I didn't see anything and he didn't either. I mean this baby is tiny right now. Honestly, I didn't think that I was so early. I thought I was at least another week with how the tests were. Anyways, we did some blood work to see what my hormone levels are and then I go in again on friday to see if they have gone up. The doctor also wanted me to have another ultrasound done to see if the baby is growing. The same thing happened with lucy. When I look back and remember her 4 week ultrasound I just remember her being bigger and NOT hard to find! :( It is all in the Lord's hands. I have peace with it. I feel that if it happens, it does. If it doesn't, its doesn't. I will say that I feel more grateful. I have been so whiney about this whole process, and complaining about how fast it happened, but I have decided to be more grateful! It says in the Bible that Babies are rewards!!! I can do this. I will deal either way! I will enjoy more time with Lucy, but I am also grateful for the opportunity that the Lord has given me to be a mother to another child. I really do feel like this one is another girl. I changed the name, since trying to figure out a name made me feel better. It still doesn't feel real. I mean its just a bunch of cells right now! It doesn't even have a heartbeat!!! It really is amazing how life is created! Anyways, we changed the name to Lainey Elizabeth Meade. I feel that it is a good strong name, with names that have strong meanings!! Well tomorrow is Ms. Lucy Meade's sixth month check-up!! That means shots! :( I hate it! I hate seeing her so upset, but she has to have 'em. Luckily, the shots are free when you don't have insurance. That means we don't have to pay out the butt for her check-up!! She is sooooo funny! I love seeing her develope everyday and I think thats what drives me crazy or scares me about the new one!! I can't imagine being so incredibly happy with the next one or as excited about how she develops, but I will!! And ya'll know the other thing that scares me...the balance. Balancing this baby and Lucy!!! I love my girl! She is suuuuch a Momma's Girl!!! Love her! Anyways, I promised an update, here it is. Maybe I will have more info on Friday!

CRAZY

I have had a crazy day. I am exhausted. I just can't seem to get enough sleep!! Me...me...me...ugh Today, Lucy had issues with constipation. It took all day and a lot of prune juice to finally help her to pass all that she needed to pass. :( After she passed everything, she had a fever of 96 degrees! I didn't like that at all! Luckily it came down after some Ibuprofen and a little snooze. It is so hard to see your little baby in so much pain! I have been that stopped up and it is no fun! I have been in some pain for some time. It is not like cramping, which is what you would have normally with an early pregnancy, it is sharp pains on my right side and hip area. I wouldn't necassarily be worried about it, if it weren't just on one side. I wouldn't be so nervous if it were cramping instead of these sharp, stabbing pains!! This pregnancy has been nothing like my first. My first was less emotional and more physical. I was so sick, but had more energy. This one, I feel like I have NO energy and I cry aaaalllll the time. Like, I thought the first time I cried a lot....no, no way. And the way Lucy was today didn't make it any better. So, I go to the doctor tomorrow. We will see what he says and if he does an Ultrasound. I wouldn't mind it if he did, just so we could see that everything is ok. I want to enjoy Lucy as much as possible while I have this time by ourselves!! I would really hate it, if this got in the way. I know that probably sounds bad. Maybe even selfish, but I want my time with her!!! I mean I don't want my time taken away NOW! Its already going to be less time when the other baby gets here. I don't want that to start now!!!! She is such a Momma's Girl, too. I love how she is starting to reach out for me when she wants to be picked up or comforted. Or, how she puts her arms around me and her face in my neck! Those are such sweet moments and I want to eat them all up. I guess what I am afraid of is that she won't be as attached to me when the baby gets here, which is probably a good thing, but I want her to know that I love her just as much after the baby as I did before! Maybe I am being silly! It is so hard to wrap my mind around some things right now. Sammie's 28th Bday was yesterday. He didn't really want to celebrate, but I decided to surprise him at work with a cake and some lunch. It was fun and nice to eat lunch with him like we used too when he worked at Cracker Barrel! He had school last night, too. Mondays are so busy for him, but luckily he has only three classes left until he graduates. We will be having a party the night of his graduation, so anyone is welcome who reads this! He is very excited to finally be done with school! Well I was going to write more, but honestly I am just to tired! I will update the blog tomorrow so everyone knows what the doctor says. Ta-Ta for now!

Surprises

So I am not going to put anything on Facebook yet, but I wanted to I guess vent in way. Yesterday, I had gone to buy a little bottle of gin. Well, when I got back home I wanted to take a pregnancy test to make sure I wasn't pregnant before I drank. It came back positive with the faintest of lines. I told Sammie then said I was going to get more. I took another one and it was a more expensive brand and that one was an obvious positive. Of course, by this point I am just a little freaked out.

I woke up this morning pretty much thinking it was all a dream. I decided to go to Walgreens and get a digital one since all the pregnancy tests I was taking all had faint lines. (The one earlier was obvious, but still faint.) At this point, I needed to see the word. I was in denial I guess. So I get home this morning and luckily I had to pee! I took it and two minutes later it came up with the words. There is just no denying it now. I am pregnant with our second child.

Of course, since Sammie changed jobs, we won't have insurance for another month. So after May 9th I will go to the doctors office. I am most likely due December or the beginning of Janurary. I am grateful, but Sammie and I were by no means planning this. I am glad that Lucy will have a close sibling. I am sure they will be the best of friends. Personally, I believe its a girl. I want to name her Addison (because I love the name) Cheryl (After Sammies aunt) Meade.

My brother and I were five years apart. So, it was like being raised only children. I am so glad that I will be able to give Lucy an experience I haven't experienced. Despite my brother and I being so far apart we are all still really close. Thats how my family is and thats what I love about my family. They put love and forgiveness first and realize the everyone is going to make mistakes. We communicate if we have a problem and if there is a bridge burnt down, then we build it back up. I hope and pray that the family that I am creating and have right now with Sammie, will be like that!

I do have concerns too. I love Lucy Meade so much. I can't imagine loving something as much as I love her! She is such a JOY!!!! She is a light. She laughs so much and there is nothing like going to places and people telling me I have such a happy baby! Its wonderful. LOL! Anyways, I know people that have had babies this close together and were ok! I believe in my abilities. I also believe in the promise that Christ doesn't give us anything we can't handle.

I am also incredibly lucky to have a man that, I think, was more excited when I told him than me! This will definately different. I will certainly breastfeed, but since I will have Lucy I will probably supplement with formula...especially at night. :) I hope I have good time management skills!!! Anyways, despite that this will be hard, I think it could be a fun adventure! Well, Ta-Ta for now!

Fruits of the Spirit

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and Self-control; against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23 I went through most of my adolescence believing that the Fruits of the Spirit were things given to us. Has anybody ever prayed for patience? Then, after you pray for patience, your patience gets tested? Yea, God just doesn't give you patience. After having Lucy and listening to this sermon over and over again about peace, I realized that not only is peace chosen, but so are all the Fruits of the Spirit. After you pray for the Fruits of the Spirit God just doesn't give them to you, he gives you a situation to learn whatever Fruit of the Spirit you are praying for. This definately changed my thinking. Wow, to know that I can choose JOY! Not happiness, which is temporary and is superficial, but joy: something deep within us, that exudes a kind of happiness and light in our lives. That said, let me talk about "Love". Choosing to love people is hard. It says in 1 Corinthians 13:2b-3 "And I have Faith that can move mountains, but do not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I GAIN nothing." To me if you or me are going through life and feel like you or me have no purpose or like you or I have gained nothing, I feel that that means you or I am focusing to much on ourselves. Life truly isn't about us. Granted I can be an incredibly selfish person, but after my struggles in the past I am grateful that I know better now. I feel that I have gained a lot by learning to really love someone. I hope that Sammie feels loved, but honestly I can't control how he FEELS. The only thing I can control is how I love him and do my best. If you feel that you have done your best to love someone by "going through all the motions" then I hate to say it...its just not enough. ANY relationship cannot be based on legalism. That includes your relationship with God. Love is not just an action, but something that comes from Christ who lives in our hearts. It is something to be felt also. To feel nothing in life, good or bad, is a loss in itself. Fear is someting I struggle with and I know that I can choose whether or not to live my life in fear. It was not until I really got to know Christ what John meant when he said, "Perfect love drives out fear." I had to really learn what love is for me, to know how to drive out fear. Fear to me is not only just doubt, but it is selfishness. Fear is something that I continually struggle with and continually have to choose not to do or feel. Fear feeds into doubt. To me, doubt can be a lifestyle. The whole "I believe in Christ, BUT". If there is a BUT you are doubting Christ's abilities. It is a huge mess and a huge circle that we struggle with. Learning how to drive out fear, is learning how to love someone other than yourself. This is a constant thing to learn and to make better choices means to change your lifestlye of doubt. This all said, what do you think would happen if we continually CHOSE the fruits of the spirit? But choosing these, means giving control over to God. I mean, I know one of them is "self-control", but who is to say that just means choosing to control your fear, doubt, or selfishness by laying it at the feet of Christ? And choosing not to feel or live those things, by choosing Christ. I hope all of this made sense....

Random Videos and update...

I am working on other posts, but wanted to pop in a give an update! Babies change so much and so fast! Lucy rolled over for the first a couple of weeks ago and in the same week she started sitting up with a boppy! It has been really exciting see her grow and develop. She has also started laughing at other things, rather than just mommy. She will laugh at her stuffed animals now, too. I have also started the weaning process. Not because I want too, but because she wants, too! She just won't latch anymore at certain feedings and I am getting to a point where I am just really tired of fighting her!

Sammie got a new motorcycle. I say its for his birthday and Father's Day. Maybe the next three Christmas's too. Just kidding. Anyways, he is really enjoying being back at Take Care and I am enjoying it too because of the discount (especially on DIAPERS)!!!

Lipgloss update: The new Burt's Bees tinted lip balm is a God send. You need to check it out!!

Ta-Ta for now!